Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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