ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
