that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
