the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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