i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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