She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
