I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
