Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
me + whiskey = a bad person
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize