so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
