i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
