the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
