I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My feet surprised me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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