I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
