god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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