from now on my penis is your penis
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just threw up on my dentist
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
