Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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