I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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