Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
