dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how drunk are you?
Several
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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