Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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