At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
