I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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