Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I look better un-naked...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
