I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
