just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
