I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
