So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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