Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
