haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
