The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
