You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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