Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
