accomplished twins. life is a go
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
