dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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