The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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