she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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