if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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