On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
