I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize