he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
