saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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