Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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