I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
