im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
