How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
