I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i out mim tonsoeep
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
