If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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