Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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