i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
