I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
