Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
2020 sucks, I want a refund
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
