so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
