The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
