anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I checked into jail on foursquare
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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