the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
be right there i have to get my cape
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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