kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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