Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
