So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
