does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
