having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
