She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
