Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
