Me too!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
