I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
