So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize