dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
