so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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