i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a search helicopter?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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