Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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