I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize