Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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