we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
